I would never be her. I would never have that skinny face or that flawless skin. I would never look good in dresses. I would never have such beautiful face. I would never match with how smart or beautiful she is. I would never be a good, mature and pretty lady. I would never have her singing voice or her piano skills. I would never be like her. I would always be like the childish, boyish, average girl. I would always have these insecurities and selfishness. And I would hate myself for all the wrong reasons. I would always put up a fight and regret it. I hate the tone of my voice or the curls on my hair. I can try playing the piano or reading books or wearing dresses as I stumble while wearing heels. I can try fixing my hair and posing for a photo. I can try going on a diet for me to be skinny. I can try all these things but I’ll never be her. I will never be the girl you love and hurt you.
Sabihin mo lang na gusto mo akong kausap. Sabihin mo lang na kailangan mo ng kausap. Sabihin mo lang na wag ako umalis. All you have to say is stay, but you didn’t and watched me walk away. Pinamukha mo lang sakin na di mo talaga ako kailangan.
When you are happy, people will throw rocks at you. They will do everything for you to be miserable, again. They will try to put you in their situation. Because they think that nobody deserves to be happy. But remember that, you deserve it.
Nakita ko sya. Nasa harapan ko. Pinili kong mauna sya maglakad kasi alam ko namang hindi nya ako papansinin. I was ready to be ignored, again. Ready na ako but he turned. Nagulat ako. Lumingon sya sakin. Ngumiti. He even called my name. He was my first love. And he talked to me, katulad nung dati. I was so happy. Kasi akala ko nakalimutan nya na ako. Pero nung nagkita kami, parang walang nagbago. Basta kinausap nya ako. I convinced myself before na hindi na sya yung gusto ko. Sabi ko, kung nakaya nya akong kalimutan, makakaya ko din. I got tired of crying for him, tired of waiting. Napagod na din ako sa kakaasa na papansinin nya ako, kahit kaibigan lang. Kasi we used to be close friends. But here he is, kasama ko, kakwentuhan. Andito sya at di ako makapaniwala. Ang saya saya pala no. Kahit gaano ako nasaktan, parang nawala lahat. I was ready to fall inlove again. I was ready to get hurt. I was so happy kasi kinausap mo na ulit ako. I was so happy until I realized…
Na panaginip lang lahat. Na hanggang panaginip na lang. Na hindi mo naman talaga ako mapapansin. Na kahit kaibigan lang, wala na ako sayo. Nakakainis, paasa yung panaginip ko! ////3
Maybe I should end this, waiting for something I really don’t know if it’s still worth to be waited or worth to fight for.. Maybe I should accept the fact that, second chances are not meant for us. But I can’t. It’s not easy, it’s not easy to forget all those things we have done. Maybe I should let you go, same with the memories and love I have for you. But how? Yes, it hurts me when I reminiscence all those. But also, I can’t deny that it still brings me butterflies and happiness. Happiness that once in my existence I loved someone and I felt love in return. But it didn’t last, and that is why I have this broken heart, I let my hopes and expectations high, yet in return I got disappointment and a wound.. A Wound that no one can heal but you. Funny isn’t it? That all of this pain I am having now is caused by you. When the truth is, it was all me. The problem here is me.. I still kept waiting for you to come back. Even though I know you are doing just fine without me. If only I can let all this go, maybe I’m living life happy as you live yours without me.